Mwahahahahaha! Welcome, boys... Come right in. (screaming) Please come in, you're welcome here Mind the cobwebs and the bones May we invite you to spend the night? Make yourself at home Step this way, here's the living room (Though "dead" room is more correct) 'Cause there hasn't been a living soul here Since grandpa broke his neck
In our haunted house We'll treat you like one of us But in our haunted house That could be hazardous
Browse around the kitchen, Have a spoon or a knife (?) You must excuse those "ketchup" stains... We ate someone last night Here is your big bedroom, dears (You'll love the creaky bed!) You'll sleep just fine, but when you wake You still may feel half dead
In our haunted house The mother is a ghost The upstairs maid's been buried for years And the chauffeur's comatose!
In our haunted house Our hospitality is something of which we're very proud (Oh! Do you take poison in your tea?)
Don't let the spider webs mess up your hair Don't mind the piano playing with no one there The crumbling bookshelves covered with dust One or two headless bodies, what's all the fuss?
The dreadful pounding, the screams and moans It's just a typical night at home...
(In our haunted house! Things come through the walls! You might see sights that chill the soul! Be sure to wear a shawl!)
(We'd love you! Do come in! Stay a while and play...) (Once you finally settle in, you'll never go away!)
(We'll make sure of that...)
(evil laughter)
In our haunted house (screams) In our haunted house In our haunted house... In our haunted house... In our haunted house... Our haunted house... In our haunted house... (fades out)